finding the words

I'll be honest. I'm having trouble finding the words to share all I experienced and learned during my time last week in Nicaragua. I keep waiting to feel inspired to write and share, but I just feel very quiet, with nothing but the sound of crickets chirping. My sincerest apologies for my absence, especially to those of you who sponsored a doll. I want to share those pictures with you soon. It's just that I've been walking around in a fog this past week trying to get re-acclimated to life here in the land of plenty.

One of my girls cries over her bowl of spaghetti because she really wanted a PB&J. How am I to find the patience when I have just been with children who only get to eat one meal a day and have to share that one meal with the parasite living in their stomach?

When her sister is reluctant to share one of the coloring pages from her book, I struggle to know how to discipline out of love because I know they weren't with me last week to witness children (who have literally nothing), joyfully offering the little they have to us (who have everything) as a gift: a Smurf sticker, a piece of candy, or their juice box from lunch.

How do I not feel sick to my stomach when I make a quick run to CVS to pick up medicine for the girls when I have sat with mamas who can't afford to take their children to the doctor when they are sick; much less buy the medicine they need and have to watch their children suffer through discomforts or serious illnesses?

And while I watch the girls playing outside in their playhouse, how do I process the knowledge that it is far nicer than anything most of these precious people will ever live in when their standard of living is dilapidated shanties?

I find myself frustrated with my distorted sense of entitlement when I'm in the grocery store or on Pinterest or in conversation with friends. To dwell on these thoughts can become depressing. On the other hand, if I let them go and return to my "normal" comfortable life here, I feel like I am ignoring all that my eyes have been open to. So I'm having trouble finding a balance.

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But I do promise pictures of the dolls you sponsored as gifts SOON! Being able to give those away were one of the highlights of the trip for me!!

:)